I Don't Care about Harry Potter

My dear friend L.L. was practically orgasmic today because there is a new Harry Potter trailer available online. I doubt if I wasn’t just limited to my native tongue of English, a smattering of Japanese, a dash of Hindi, and tourist French, and my brain contained every language spoken by not just humans but lingual primates and birds I could accurately express just how much I DON’T GIVE A FUCK about Harry Potter. My response to my rather frenzied friend as she tried to explain her passion was a Spock-like “That is highly illogical” and “Oh. Well that seems imaginative”. I don’t understand feeling passionate about something that can’t return the favor. I have been known to geek out over both Star Wars and Star Trek (I’m bi-geekgual) but the frenzy of the Potter People confuses me. I have never felt the way people feel about Harry Potter about anything. I nearly married a guy that I wouldn’t read seven 700 page books about. Admittedly those books would have mostly been about smoking weed, sleeping with lots of girls, and his sworn enemy mayonnaise. But even if you gave him magical powers I still wouldn’t have read seven 700 page books about him.
Another thing…I have cried exactly once when a fictional person died. Brenda on General Hospital. It was a really easy semester in college and I didn’t need to study. And I became emotionally ensnared in a soap opera. Brenda and I had been through a lot those six months and when her car went off that cliff and then I later saw her fiancé staring into the water saying to himself, “But Brenda we said this time no one leaves”, I gave a shit. But that character went on to die a couple more times and I watched stone-faced while eating grilled cheese sandwiches. You know why? Because she isn’t real. She’s not going to heaven or hell and the people who are sad that she died aren’t real either so their feelings aren’t real. But Dumbeldore and Cederic Digory kick the bucket and there is public morning.
L.L. claims the appeal of the Potter world is the fantasy of magical powers. She thinks it’s weird that I never wanted magical powers. I think it makes perfect sense. I was the only black person in every school I went to until I was 13 and then I was like 1 of 4 and the only one not athletic. It’s been my dream since I was three just to fit in and be like everyone else. Magic powers would just give me one more thing to feel like a freak about. I work hard to conceal the things that make me unique. The nail that sticks out the farthest receives the most hammering. I think people who are that obsessed with the fantasy should stop living through Harry Potter and do something extraordinary with their own lives.
But in fairness to people who think I’m being a rag. I provide you with a list of things I like with an infinitesimal fraction of the fixation of Potter-fans and you can dump on them at will.
The Notebook
My hero worship of writer Mark Salzman
Grey’s Anatomy
Films in which a plucky group of urban teens must dance to improve their situation in life
The oeuvre of Andrew McCarthy